This was born of too much time rolling and rerolling character the last few days- and a sense of humor about my tendencies. I started thinking a lot as I kept staring at the randomly generated results click after click... and decided to make the thoughts into a dialog...
Enjoy!
WARNING: It's long... but charming and witty and informative and... stuff...
[spoiler]
Me: *click* *click* *click* *click* *click*… “Just gimme a total roll in the 90s for once! Dammit!”
Random: “Are you talking to me?”
Me: “Uh… yeah… I suppose. You’re random. Randomly give me a 100 or something.”
Random: “Well, I’ve been giving you plenty of ‘something’, so I'm not sure what you’re asking for…”
Me: “A 90s total roll! You know what I'm clicking the REROLL button for!”
Random: “Yes, yes, you want some number I'm very unlikely to give you. Never would have guessed. It’s unlikely, you know.”
Me: “Unlikely isn’t impossible.”
Random: “Not to issue tautologies willy-nilly, but unlikely is unlikely.”
Me: “But possible.”
Random: “Mmm… and not very probable.”
Me: “But you can do it. And you have. So just do it again!”
Random: “Oh, I will… maybe in a decade or so…”
Me: “Why a decade? You already gave me a number of 90+ total rolls within a matter of hours.”
Random: “Hm, so I did. Just saying… do the math…”
Me: “I did.”
Random: “Oh, really?”
Me: “Sort of.”
Random: “Uh huh…”
Me: “Well, I started a stopwatch and noted how often a total score of 90 or more shows up.”
Random: “Someone clearly has time on their hands…”
Me: “That way I was able to determine a relative frequency for when a good score will show up.”
Random: “Good for you. But you forget who you’re talking to.”
Me: “Myself?”
Random: “Ha. No. Random. I don’t play by rules.”
Me: “Yes, you do. It’s documented.”
Random: “Mmmmm, no, it isn't.”
Me: “For a Fighter/Mage/Thief it’s a frequency of a rolling a 90 or better once per 10 minutes… roughly…”
Random: “Because you got it once?”
Me: “Of course not. A couple days ago I recorded it over eight consecutive 10 minute periods, over which the average frequency per period was-“
Random: “Wait, wait. You’re missing the big picture here.”
Me: “How so? It’s statistical, subjectable to repeated tests for verification. I got it 3 times once, none a couple times- averaged out to 1 time every 10 minutes. And it’s relatively consistent.”
Random: “I'm not talking math at this point. I mean, you went for 80 minutes of mindless clicking in some vain attempt to subject me to some silly rule?”
Me: “Eh… yeah… and counting… not exactly mindless though. I'm watching numbers, evaluating scores, maintaining a steady pace… thinking as I'm doing it, changing positions, stretching, but focusing…”
Random: “I’ll be sure to let the top national thinktanks know you’re available…”
Me: “You’re trying to persuade me not to play the odds? I thought you were random. What do you care?”
Random: “I am random. I'm not evil. I can’t help but wince at the, erm, extensiveness… of your efforts… You’d be surprised how often the universe groans at human absurdity…”
Me: “You can’t deny the pattern though, can you?”
Random: “Of course, I can. I'm random. I do whatever I please. If I want to break your little predictive system into mind farts, I can. It’s almost as if you don’t want me to give you 5 95’s in a 5 minute period. It would ruin your sacred predictive system. Oh, no!”
Me: “Uh, no, you can break the rule for that.”
Random: “And they say I'm the fickle one…”
Me: “Except I'm responding to real incentives rather than-“
Random: “Yes, yes, you needn’t make an argument for you being laughably predictable. I’ll agree wholeheartedly. Let’s see, will you be clicking again several more times in the next several minutes…? Sitting around absurdly trying to get that unlikely score… I predict yes…”
Me: “Fine, but you’re still bound to deliver that unlikely score at some point. You have before.”
Random: “But I haven’t for the last hour, it seems. Best you got was an oh-so-measely 88.”
Me: “With a STR18/95 though.”
Random: “Ooh! 18/95! Then why the fuss over a 90s total roll?”
Me: “Because total roll can trump STR score... or I usually go that way. Anyway accepting a lower total score is a permanent low score I’ll never be able to correct through the available ability-enhancement manuals in the game, but one trip to the Candlekeep Catacombs can fix a low STR18/01 score up to STR19. Kinda ridiculous that way actually, but there you go.”
Random: “So you’ve thought this through. Good for you.”
Me: “You asked.”
Random: “Semi-rhetorically. I'm still concerned about your gambling habit.”
Me: “Then give me some great 90s rolls, I’ll be on my way.”
Random: “tsk-tsk… You’ll have to content yourself with whiling away at the Great Wall of Random… You already do, so…”
Me: “Besides, it’s not like gambling. I don’t have to buy tickets or lose gobs of cash on bets, and I can make these ‘bets’ every second or so at no cost. I'm not risking losing a million with each click.”
Random: “Oh? Only every second?”
Me: “I was going faster, but… I clicked past 94’s and 95’s more times that I care to divulge. So I slowed down the clicking rate to within my reaction time range.”
Random: “Too funny. Here you are complaining about getting a single 90s score every ten minutes of mindless clicking the REROLL button, but when you get it you just sail on past it. You just like clicking, not getting on with the game.”
Me: “Woh- you say you’re ‘concerned’ but find it funny that I lost those rare moments to haste?”
Random: “I'm random that way… I told him not to count on consistency from me… But will he listen? Outlook does not look good.”
Me: “Sometimes I have to wonder if this game is rigged somehow to discourage long rerolling sessions, making good scores less likely the longer you go along.”
Random: “Oh, it is. But not that way. It’s rigged to constantly make you think you’re getting closer to a great roll and then leave you hanging until you settle for less.”
Me: “It is???!”
Random: “Of course not, predictable human. It’s actually entirely random.”
Me: “Why mock? You told me it was rigged, did you?”
Random: “Of course I did. I'm random. I could say anything.”
Me: “Well, it sometimes seems a bit coincidental that I'm getting inferior scores.”
Random: “’Seems’ is your key word there.”
Me: “Maybe ‘looks suspicious’ is a better term.”
Random: “Nnnno. Worse term actually… Sentients and their predictive systems…”
Me: “Anyway, it’s seems a tad odd that now I’ve gotten six 90+ rolls consecutively, but-”
Random: “In a row? Or over hours of your not-so-precious time?”
Me: “You have to say that? Over hours- whatever…”
Random: “Six 90s in a row is even more unlikely for a Fighter-Mage-Thief. Try a ranger for better chances…”
Me: “I'm making a point! In the last six times that I’ve gotten a 90+ total roll, the STR score was within the crappy 18/01-18/50 range. Every friggin time! Since it’s a 50-50 chance of getting better than that- even just one notch better- you’d think I’d have seen at least one or two instances of a 90+ total roll combined with an 18/76 or something. But, no. Every single bloody 90+ total roll- that I’ve had to click for around 10 minutes for each, of course- is accompanied by the worst possible STR score. How is that random?”
Random: “He wants an unlikely result. He gets one. He’s still unsatisfied…”
Me: “I mean, OK, it’s possible that the game isn’t written to give all high total rolls a low STR score accompaniment.”
Random: “In fact, the game mechanics are so likely to not be written that way that you really shouldn’t concoct conspiracy theories about devs denying players the uber-scores they’re after. Then again, with all that time on your hands to clickety-click…”
Me: “I'm not saying it’s even likely. I'm just saying it’s been working against me significantly more often than it’s been working for me.”
Random: “I'm random. I work for no one. OK, the devs have me generating scores for you player-type people- I couldn’t resist- but otherwise I'm an independent contractor.”
Me: “What I'm driving at is that, if you’re truly random, the next high total score I get should by all rights be accompanied by a better STR modifier score than this repeated 18/01-50 junk.”
Random: “Ooh, it’s your right now. Get a constitutional amendment passed for it.”
Me: “OK, then, it’s the law of probability. I can’t keep flipping the coin on the STR modifier and indefinitely get heads.”
Random: “Um… yes, you could. Until you die anyway.”
Me: “But that would be unlikely, no? You’re big on the unlikely after all. Getting uniform lowest STR scores every time is more unlikely than getting something higher than that at some point.”
Random: “Probabilistically-speaking maybe. But I'm crazy like that. If I want to keep generating low scores for you forever I may just do that... Anything goes really.”
Me: “Flipping a coin to heads forever is virtually impossible.”
Random: “You should watch the movie ‘Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.’ Amusing artistic examination of that premise…”
Me: “Yeah, I saw it. Great movie, but that’s art. This is real life.”
Random: “It’s Baldur’s Gate…”
Me: “Probability is a constant in real life.”
Random: “’Probability is a constant…’ Now there’s a fun contradiction in terms…”
Me: “It’s a real world mechanic, I mean.”
Random: “It’s how you tend to look at things, sure.”
Me: “And it’s how science has enabled us to master all sorts of reality regardless of how unpredictable- even intangible- they may seem otherwise. The scientific method has proven results.”
Random: “All very impressive. So now you think you’ll apply this scientific method to the scores I'm generating for you?”
Me: “Why not?”
Random: “Oh, I'm not telling you how to play your video games. I'm just… oh, I can hardly contain my mirth… I'm noticing a little miscalculation in your little predictive system.”
Me: “I'm not. It works fairly consistently.”
Random: “Ah, so now I'm ‘fair.’ Good that you acknowledge this. Not that I try to be…”
Me: “You’re not fair. You’re random.”
Random: “The randommest.”
Me: “Good for you.”
Random: “So smug now, are we? Don’t you want to know what your miscalculation is?”
Me: “There isn’t one. Predictiveness is success.”
Random: “And how thoroughly have you tested the premise? Over the course of a year’s worth of mindless clicking? A decade? Or the last couple days here and there between your ‘real’ life goings on?”
Me: “What does that matter?”
Random: “Because I may be chucking the 90+ total rolls to you on a different frequency than every 10 minutes. Seems pretty arbitrary to select 10 minutes anyway.”
Me: “It was a nice round number… useful to the amount of time I’ve been devoting anyway.”
Random: “Let’s say my own probability meter is based on every 10 hours instead. So I have to deliver around a certain number of your 90+ thingies within each such period of your mindless mouse-clickings. This means that I could be entirely consistent to that frequency by not giving you a single 90+ thingy for the first 9 hours of clicking.”
Me: “So you’re trying to manipulate the rules, eh? I thought you don’t play by rules.”
Random: “Got me to my point yourself! Now you’re getting it, whelp. I have no arbitrary frequency rules to abide by. My frequency interval is infinity! Which is essentially… whenever I please.”
Me: “The game calls me ‘whelp.’ You don’t get to.”
Random: “Rules again… Will he ever learn?”
Me: “So you’re chaotic neutral. No rules, every which way, yada yada.”
Random: “Or you could say true neutral- like the Law of Thermodynamics. Except, as a ‘law,’ I'm more just a force to be reckoned with than anything so formal. You can read more into me if you like. Pattern-recognition creatures like yourself tend to do that. I won’t judge.”
Me: “Right, well, I haven’t observed an interval in which I’ve been unable to get a 90+ total score for more than… well, like 10 minutes… or so…”
Random: “Hahaha… yes, you have. Took you an hour to get these last three 90+ rolls, didn’t it? Care to tune your frequency adjustment yet?”
Me: “It’s not perfectly consistent, fine. But generally.”
Random: “So you’re ‘generally’ scientific. Gotcha.”
Me: “I’ve gotten results. Period.”
Random: “Over how much of your clickable time though? You know, there’s a program that would take a lot less time and effort… hm, should I call sitting around clicking a mouse an effort?”
Me: “It’s an effort. Believe me. I don’t know if it’s attention-deficit-disorder or just a natural human tendency not to focus for long periods of time on a single, simplistic task, but it’s hard to keep going at times and does wear on me. We get carpal tunnel syndrome for repeated physical tasks with our hands, so maybe there’s a similar condition for repeated mental tasks as well. The brain is a physical entity after all.”
Random: “Chinese water torture for your little cortex then, is it? Well, well. My job of generating numbers just got qualitatively more enjoyable…”
Me: “This vacillation between concern and vindictiveness doesn’t give you whiplash?”
Random: “Not in the least. It’s my ‘nature’, wouldn’t ya know. But about that other little program. It will let you alter your character files so that you can simply give them the uber-scores you clearly feel they’re meant to have. Why not do that rather than insist on bothering me with this truly obscene amount of clicked number generation requests? It’s what you’re after, isn’t it? Those oh-so-powerful scores? So go for it. Get the scores with an infinitesimally smaller portion of clicks. Be free!”
Me: “Seems a lot simpler, no? But I wouldn’t be able to play the characters.”
Random: “Oh, here we go. Is it ‘principle’? Always buggering up matters for you predictable creatures.”
Me: “I wouldn’t say it’s principle, no. OK, maybe. It’s just that getting those high scores with random number generation does make them authentically rare. I didn’t cheat them into existence. It wasn’t arbitrary. And you’ve taken pains to tell me I can’t count on you.”
Random: “Oh, so he was listening. Maybe it’s the appreciating part he’s lacking then.”
Me: “Anyway, by attaining them that way, it does maintain game-immersion by discovering the scores in-game. There’s that driving music during character creation too, making the search seem all-important, scouring the hundreds, maybe thousands, of unwitting applicants- however many it takes- for that one who can soar ahead of them all and triumph over… well, you know: spoilers.“
Random: “So it’s all so you can feel like a special snowflake? That’s what I'm generating numbers for? Can’t you play special snowflake with low generated numbers too?”
Me: “I can’t steal the 1000gp sapphire from Candlekeep otherwise. And get all the CHA18 benefits. And maintain good lore so I don’t have to constantly pay for Identify’s. And maximize my spell book so I'm not lamely unable to cast spells. And, of course, be able to carry all the heavy inventory the game sticks you with. And big backstabs.”
Random: “Point taken, I suppose. Can’t do without every single one of those. Game would be a complete loss then.”
Me: “Is that sarcasm? So randomness is sarcastic?”
Random: “Of course, I am. You’ve nailed me on that. I'm a consistently sarcastic entity.”
Me: “Ha!”
Random: “No, I'm not. I'm random. Read patterns elsewhere. Oh, wait, you, on the other hand, are predictable, so you’ll read patterns everywhere…”
Me: “Right. So where is my total roll 96, STR18/00?”
Random: “Still on that are you? Of course, you are… hours later. Any luck yet?”
Me: “Luck- haha. Good one.”
Random: “Comforts a lot of pattern-recognition creatures to think there’s some little gremlin in the works that can bypass me. But nope. Nice spell in the game though- Luck. Try that instead. It’ll work better than trying your luck with me.”
Me: “So when are you going to stop taunting me?”
Random: “When you stop trying to master me…”
Me: “Oh, come on. It’s been an hour and a half now with only one more 90+ total roll- just a 91 too- bleh. And yet again: 18/34- same BS low STR score. That’s seven in a row. I'm feeling like Charlie Brown here with Lucy. Every time the bloody 90+ comes up you pull the football away with a low STR score. If you claim you’re random, let’s see your scores actually look like random.”
Random: “And I should care about appearances because…? The Randomness Police will fine me for violating the law of lawlessness? Don’t worry. I paid my dues, so they look the other way…”
Me: “Just tell me how long this is gonna take!”
Random: “Um… forever? What if I told you that you’d get exactly the score you want- or even better: a total roll of 100 with STR18/00… in exactly 6 hours of mindless clicking? Would you do it?”
Me: “It’ll take that long?”
Random: “Just answer the question, Clicky Boy. Would you sit there clicking for 6 hours straight just to get your Super Special Snowflake?”
Me: “…”
Random: “Well…?”
Me: “…”
Random: “Is there any time limit on your patience? What about 20 hours, eh? We’re talking 18/00 here. And the most-improbable total roll of 100. I’ll even up it to the max improbability of TR108. Oh! To see such a miraculous feat of random generation as to get all 18s in every ability- more or less- and the max STR score as well. Would you keep clicking for 20 hours straight to get that? Rare is rare, yes? Special snowflake is… tautology, tautology…”
Me: “Tempting…”
Random: “And that’s where you’re little different than the gambling addict.”
Me: “I'm losing nothing. I'm not gambling away anything to suffer losses.”
Random: “Time, you impudent whelp! Your squandered currency is time! Not to mention your poor mouse. You’ll need a new one soon.”
Me: “You know, I'm too old to qualify as a whelp.”
Random: “He speaks to a more or less eternal entity as myself with entreaties to his oh-so-advanced age… Impudent whelp…”
Me: “It’s not that much time I'm putting into it anyway. I put in the extra hours combing the reroller results, then cruise the rest of the game with well-prepared otherwise-unwitting heroes.”
Random: “So you howl to me that it’s taking too much time to get the scores you want, but then whine that it’s not that much- not really… Let me check the forum for a poll about how many hours it takes most players to complete a single game… I’ll wager you could’ve played an entire game in the time it’s taken you to ‘create’ all these special snowflakes of yours. Time: 1. You: 0.”
Me: “People enjoy games differently.”
Random: “Clearly. Some are content to just indulge in a game’s random number generation mechanic…”
Me: “I wouldn’t say I enjoy it. I’d enjoy it more if you’d just relent more often.”
Random: “Oh, but I do ‘relent.’ I’ve tossed you far more than you appreciate! By the math you should get diddly squat, but... fine, I’ll do the math for you then. You know the chances of rolling an average of at least, say, 15 in a 3-18 random number generation- in six consecutive rolls? That would net you a total roll of your precious 90. If you want a higher total you’ll need an average higher than 15 per attribute, yes? But let’s take 15. That means 15, 16, 17, and 18 are good. Yeah, yeah, we’re not dealing with your non-human score alterations, so stuff it. That’s four numbers out of the total fifteen that I’d generate or a 27% chance. Yeah, yeah, you can get a 15 by pairing an 18 with a 12, but we’re working with an average here, whelp, so bear with me. That’s a roughly 27% chance for each attribute- 4/15. But to get a number in that 27% range for all six of the attributes simultaneously you’d have to multiply the percentage by itself 6 times- 27% X 27% X 27% X 27% X 27% X 27%. In that way, in order to get a simple total of 90, your chances drop to .039ish% per attempt- a tiny fraction of 1-in-100, mind you, not quite the 1-in-4 for each attribute alone. And that’s for a 90. You want a 96? Ha! You should be happy I give you anything above an 80.”
Me: “I get 90s regardless. It’s not like my chances of winning the lottery. I do win- and regularly… enough. Your math must be wrong somehow.”
Random: “Oh, my calculations could be quite easily be mistaken. I'm random, not a mathematician- could say anything. And by the way, that number gets even tinier when you want a total roll of 90 simultaneously with a STR18/00 which is already only a 1% chance. You’d need to mindlessly click 1,000s of times just to bring your chances up to some fraction of a reasonable chance. How often do you click? 60 times a minute?”
Me: “More like 40-45 to account for reaction time.”
Random: “Well, there ya go. All that time getting to one of those unlikely 90+ scores only to click past it like it was a 75.”
Me: “Yeah, rub it in. Helps so much. I don’t do that anymore.”
Random: “OK, so you mindlessly click at a rate of- we’ll be generous and say 45 times per minute. That’s a rate of 2700 clicks per hour… because you’re insane. If you need up to 10K chances to bring your overall chances up to something reasonable… heh… that’ll take you around 3 hours of steady mindless clicking to get to. Then you get your small chance. Then you fail it and go another 2 hours toward your next one. Just saying…”
Me: “Whatever, Longtooth Worthington. I just want a good STR score to go with my TR90s for once. Not much to ask, and statistically reasonable.”
Random: “You’re so unusual. No one else wants a good STR score.”
Me: “Haha. But with all your probability calculations, what does it matter? You’re random. You could give me a high STR score and a high total roll without losing a thing. Each roll is random, not subject to probabilistic requisites or amenable to an established rate of instance. Plus there’s no bank to break giving me what I want. No reputation to uphold about denying players great scores. No incentives to abide. No compulsions. Nothing preventing you at all. Why not? Be random that way and unexpectedly give me a TR100 and STR18/00 the moment I sit down to create every character.”
Random: “Ooh, ooh. I'm almost- yes, almost- woh- almost feeling ashamed! Ah, but, no. Not in the least. Does that method work on most random number generators? You know once you requested it, it no longer became ‘unexpected,’ right? I’ll just bask in the irony of you insisting on your probability of ultimately getting your high scores out of me then turning around and admitting I don’t have to do anything of the sort.”
Me: “Fine. But after all this time, you’re still not going to relent? It’s been well over 2 hours straight now.”
Random: “Missed your tiny window of statistically virtual opportunity, did you? Put in another couple hours for another…”
Me: “I will. I'm stubborn that way. And determined.”
Random: “And any other euphemism for ‘obsessed’ you drum up. Because the more time you spend with my random number generation, the more compelled I’ll be to accede to your oh-so-important request for a Fighter-Mage-Thief with special snowflake attributes…? I suppose you’ll just wear me down this way, right? Good luck with that!”
Me: “You mock my ‘special snowflake’ interest, but does that mean if it were a request about something more substantive than a video game, you might grant it?”
Random: “People dying of thirst pray for rain on the off-chance gremlins will fix the weather in their favor. Does that work either? Even if it subsequently started raining, that would just be you pattern-recognizers at work again anthropomorphizing statistical probability. Unlikely = unlikely, whelp. That’s the only so-called principle.”
Me: “So you do have principles, eh? The principle of tautology.”
Random: “You’d call it a principle, so I said, ‘so-called.’”
Me: “So you’re just a dick then?”
Random: “Not to the ones I go and plop some nice juicy random high scores on. They think I'm a saint. Silly willies. Except players like you who can’t stand that one little pea under their mattress when they get an immensely improbable total roll of 98 and retain the chutzpa to grumble about an 18/14 STR score…”
Me: “It was just cruel to do that, and you know it- finally gave me an ultra-rare roll but coupled it with the most common roll for STR. It’s like spite. So I just know better about you. There’s nothing reasonable about you at all.”
Random: “On the contrary. I am completely impartial and do as I please without the slightest regard to consequences or variables.”
Me: “…”
Random: “What?”
Me: “That’s not reasonability.”
Random: “How reasonable would it be to be nice to some, nasty to others, all based on my own preferences? I have the most nonjudgmental tendencies you’ll ever come across. I'm purest arbitrariness. Even a rock is less reasonable that I am, that brooding, static, predictable lump of do-nothing. With your long sessions of sitting around mindlessly clicking away at the REROLL button you may empathize with Mr. Rock.”
Me: “You really are a dick.”
Random: “You started it. Besides, ‘cruel only to be kind’ and all that. After all, am I wrong?”
Me: “You shouldn’t even be talking with me. Language from you should be random garble.”
Random: “Always a random chance it won’t be garble though, no? Perhaps you simply exist in the one universe where my random seeming responses seem to correspond with discursiveness on your part. What a special snowflake that makes you. You must’ve gotten me to generate a high interactivity-with-randomness score for you. Congratulations.”
Me: “Ha. But that’s just sophistry. You exist just to torment people.”
Random: “In fact, it’s more likely that a random generator of letters and punctuation would create a Shakespearean play than a bunch of monkeys that predictably will use a typewriter for a commode rather than oops out a ‘Hamlet’ with it.”
Me: “…”
Random: “You don’t really think I exist just to torment people, do you?”
Me: “… Not really… just frustrated… getting on 3 hours now…”
Random: “Calling it quits?”
Me: “Probably… haha. Get it?”
Random: “What’s your best snowflake in that time then?”
Me: “TR93, STR18/72. Not terrible, but too much to reduce CON and WIS down in order to max the rest. And the STR stat isn’t high enough to consider making an exception.”
Random: “So you finally got your oh-so-probable change in the weather, eh? A 90+ with a higher STR score. And still not good enough, is it? Predictable.”
Me: “I’ll get it at some point.”
Random: “Well, another exhausting three hour session at the salt mines down. See you when you’re ready for another shot at the jackpot.”
Me: “Yeah, whatever. See you then.”
[/spoiler]
Never used many potions either, other than heals/antidotes, and some strength ones sometimes for Yeslick, or sometimes I'd have him tank with protection from fire potion, and I'd then nuke with some fire attacks. Obviously on a no-reload or a higher difficulty setting this would all change.